Cost of Living
by M4RCH H4RE
Summary: Even years afterwards Katniss still has nightmares about what happened to her in the Hunger Games. xx (Reposted)


Midnight blue. The colour of the sky. No clouds, no moon, no stars, only a blue dome of nothingness with a flickering, shimmering square far away in the distance. A forcefield.

The trees show up as dark shapes against a dark background. Their branches reaching, snatching at me, creepers trailing down like nets. The ground is covered in a thin layer of white powder. I think it might be ash but I can't tell. There are shapes on the ground covered by the ash. They must be rocks but somehow they seem a little too smooth and even. I don't want to go and look at them. In the distance I can hear wolves howling and clamouring at an invisible moon.

I clamber to my feet, trying not to touch any of the shapes hidden beneath the ash, and look around. I don't recognise my surroundings but I instinctively know where I am. I am in the arena.

The sounds of the wolves are getting closer and now I can hear them calling to each other as they hunt for their prey. For me. I turn and run as fast as my legs will carry me, kicking up clouds of ash that clog my mouth and nose and sting my eyes, making tears stream down my face. I can't breathe properly, my chest is beginning to ache.

As I run I can feel the layer of ash getting thicker. What started out as a thin dusting is now up to my knees. I can barely move and I keep tripping over things I can't see or slipping on strange, smooth objects beneath my feet. The white and grey powder seems to be holding me back and slowing all my movements. Behind me I can hear the wolves thundering along. They must be almost right behind me now.

I make a huge effort and fling myself forwards but my toes snag on something and I fall and am buried under a blanket of white. All around me I can see bones looming up out of the ash. Skeletons, grinning sculls with the faces of people I recognise, pieces of charred and jagged bone. I try to scream but my mouth just fills with ash and I choke.

The ground beneath me is vibrating with the pounding of huge paws and I close my eyes hoping the wolves will pass me by but the ash is thinning and vanishing and I am left lying on the ground in plain view. I look up and see them.

There are seven of them. They are not normal wolves, they are wolf mutts and at once I recognise one of them. It has emerald green eyes, silky blonde fur and a jewelled collar. I can't read the number 1 from here, but I know who this mutt is. It's Glimmer. Behind it is a tall, skinny brown one and a dark one with dark eyes. Marvel and Clove. At the back I can see two running close together, a male and a female. The female looks a lot like Glimmer's mutt, the male has short caramel fur. Both are tall and beautiful. They must be Cashmere and Gloss. The other two I can only assume are Brutus and Enobaria.

For a brief second I am confused. Something doesn't seem quite right about all these mutts being here together but I don't have time to wonder about it, they are nearly on top of me. I leap to my feet and am about to run away when I see him. Cato is riding one of the wolf mutts, brandishing his sword above his head. The weapon is slick with blood which is running down the blade and Cato's arm and dripping into his hair. His face is twisted into a demonic grin as he urges the mutts on. I can see his lips forming the words: "Run her down! Tear her to pieces!"

I turn and run. My feet are pounding against the jungle floor, my heart is racing, my breath is coming in painful gasps. Behind me I can hear the wolf mutts. They are so close now I can hear them snapping their jaws at me and Cato's voice shouting: "Get her!"

Ahead of me a huge tree suddenly towers up out of nowhere, so suddenly that I don't have time to stop and run straight into it. There is a branch just low enough for me to reach and I jump and grab hold of it. The tough, rubbery bark hurts my hands but I grit my teeth and pull myself up into the tree.

Just in time. The Glimmer mutt's teeth snap shut around the branch I was just holding on to and rip it to pieces. A second slower and it would have been my leg.

The mutts are milling around the bottom of the tree howling and snarling up at me so I keep climbing until they are tiny dots on the ground below me and the branches are no thicker than twigs. I feel sick and shaky so I let myself drop onto the nearest branch that looks stable enough to take my weight. My heart is still pounding and my palms are clammy with sweat but at least I am safe up here.

Suddenly I hear Cato's voice magnified and echoing all around me: "We're coming to get you, Girl on Fire."

I look down and see that the mutts have gone. Instead, tiny little figures are beginning to swarm up the tree. My throat closes up with fear and I hide my face, hoping they can't reach me up here. The branches are certainly too thin to support Cato, Gloss or Brutus' weight but I'm not sure about some of the girls.

Right at the front of the group I see Glimmer. Her face is horribly deformed and swollen with tracker jacker stings and green pus is oozing down it and dripping off her chin. Her mouth is open in a drawn-out scream, her hands clawing at me.

I begin to struggle but I find that I can't move. A belt is strapping me tightly to my branch. The more I move, the tighter it gets. I can't get any higher and the careers are advancing on me. There is no way to escape. My heart is hammering in my mouth. _And this time there is no Rue to save me_, I think in desperation.

As if I had somehow conjured her by thinking about her, I see Rue hovering a few metres away from me. Her arms are slightly extended and she really seems to be flying. She gives me a smile and gently taps a large gold watch that is hanging by a chain from her pocket. It is nearly twelve o'clock.

Midnight! The lightning! A new fear grips me and I almost forget about the careers. If I can't get out of this tree I will burn to death or be electrocuted. Or both.

I begin to tear at the belt with my teeth and finger nails. Behind my eyelids I can see a countdown, like the one I have seen so many times at the beginning of the games. 60... 59... 58... 57... A corner of the belt is starting to come loose. I can feel the leather splitting at the seams. 43... 42... 41... The seams split and I tear the leather away from my legs, desperately trying to untangle it from round the branch. 38... 37... 36... It finally comes free and I drop it. The broken belt spins downwards past the advancing careers seeming to take ages as it falls. 30... 29... I take a deep breath. There is no time to climb down, I am going to have to jump. 25... 24... 23... 22... Glimmer has almost reached me. Her perfectly manicured fingers are reaching for me, her hands swollen beyond recognition. I can see the pus leaking from the wounds. 10... 9... I take another breath and push myself away from the tree.

The world seems to stop and I feel like I am floating like a feather, gently soaring towards the ground. Behind me there is a blinding flash of light and I hear the careers' screams as they are flung away from the tree by the lightning. Their crumpled, burned bodies hit the ground in a pile just before I land. I notice Enobaria staring unseeingly up at me, her eyes wide with shock in her charred face. None of them have survived.

Disgusted and slightly relieved, I turn away and run off into the forest. There was nothing I could have done for them. It's part of the Games. Some of us have to die. They would have killed me if they had got the chance. Anyway, the gamemakers killed them, not me. Best not to think about them.

I sprint out of the jungle onto the beach. The sand is warm under my feet and the sun is glittering on the water. I have to throw up my hands to cover my eyes and am momentarily blinded by the light. Again, I get the feeling that something isn't quite right but I can't quite figure out what it is.

When I can eventually open my eyes I see Annie standing in front of me up to her knees in the water. She is wearing her wedding dress and smiling, no, beaming delightedly. Her eyes are staring vacantly into the distance and I don't think she can see me.

I hurry over to her but as I approach a roar comes out of the jungle somewhere to my right. Immediately Annie's expression changes. Her eyes screw shut and she clamps her hands over her ears, mouth open in a silent scream. I watch in shock as she begins to turn, faster and faster, her wedding dress streaming out around her, still screaming silently. Flames begin to engulf her and I look around frantically for something to extinguish them but before I get a chance to do anything the flames have spiralled up into the sky and vanished.

Where Annie was standing there is nothing left except a shred of burnt material and a huge fish that disappears into the depths of the water with a flick of it's tail.

By this point I suddenly realise that I am so hungry I could happily eat the fish but it's too late, it's gone and I am left knee-deep in water clutching a burnt scrap of silk. Something about this really unsettles me and I hurry to the shore and sit down, head in my hands. What on earth am I going to tell Finnick? How his wife turned into a fish in a pillar of fire and I was actually considering catching and eating her?

I lie down on the sand and close my eyes, tears leaking from beneath my eyelids. I am not even sure why I'm crying. Maybe it's the hunger.

When I open my eyes again the sky is flaming red. It must be sunset but I am sure I didn't close my eyes for more than a few seconds. That can't be right. I sit up and brush sand out of my hair. How can I have lost track of that much time?

All thoughts of time are suddenly driven from my head. Next to me is a silver parachute. Haymitch! I snatch at it with greedy fingers and tear the parachute off the little parcel. It's not very big but I am sure he has sent me some food. My fingers are trembling as I open it. _Stay alive -H_, the note says. It must be food! I pull out a small bundle and open it. Inside are berries, berries I know very well. Nightlock.

Disgusted I throw the bundle away. I have never hated anyone quite as much as I hate Haymitch right now.

A noise comes from behind me making me turn and raise the bow I didn't know I was holding. Woof is crouching over the bundle I just threw away cramming the berries into his mouth, except they aren't berries any more. They have turned into bugs. Bugs I am pretty sure are poisonous.

In a panic I rush over to him, shouting at him to put them down, not to eat them. He can't hear me, I know he can't and I also know that by the time I reach him it will be too late. He has already eaten too many of the bugs. I get to him just in time to snatch the bundle out of his cold, stiff hand.

"Murderer! He was our ally and you killed him! That was your parachute, you deliberately poisoned your own ally! You disgust me!", a voice screams out and I turn to see Johanna glaring at me, her face white with rage. Behind her are Finnick, Beetee, Wiress and Peeta. Their expressions range from shocked through disgusted to betrayed. I don't know what to say, I just stand there staring back at them clutching Haymitch's bundle to my chest.

"Go away!", Johanna shrieks at me, "Go away! We hate you, we don't want you anywhere near us. You are just a stupid little girl. We've never needed you! Peeta can be our new mockingjay. He is ten times the person you are. Go away!" The others are all nodding in agreement and Finnick is pointing his trident at my chest.

Blindly I turn away from them and run into the jungle.

Except I'm not in the jungle. I am stepping out of the elevator and running towards the chariots at the Tribute Parade. Peeta is nowhere in sight but I can see Cinna standing next to one of the chariots. He's smiling at me and holding a burning torch in one hand. I am so relieved to see him that I run over to him and throw myself into his arms. I don't care that I am getting funny looks from other people, I am just glad to be out of that terrible jungle.

He pulls back slightly and looks at me, studying my face for a moment. Then he wipes away a smudge of makeup that has run down my cheek. I must have been crying. Now I come to think about it, my eyes sting and feel puffy and swollen and my throat is dry and raw. I don't remember crying though.

Cinna gives me another hug then he smiles at me. "Come on, Katniss. Let's get you ready."

Despite myself I can't help giving him a watery grin. "What will I be wearing today? More fire?", I hear myself ask. It's a bizarre sensation, somehow it feels like I'm not the one talking. It's my voice and I can feel my lips move but the words don't seem to be coming from me. Maybe this is what an out-of-body experience feels like.

"Yes," Cinna says and nods at me, "I've got something really special planned." He indicates a large bucket full of a black sticky goo at his feet. "To make you look realistically like a piece of coal, we're going to cover you in tar and set fire to it." He looks at me expectantly as if I should be pleased or something.

My jaw drops. "Cinna, can't you see the problem with that?", I hear myself say.

He nods again. "I know. You don't like the fact you'll have to be naked, but don't worry, we'll put a thick layer of tar so no one will be able to see anything." He gives my shoulder a reassuring shake. "Honestly, Katniss, it'll be perfectly decent."

_That _is what he thinks the problem is? "I'll be turned into a human torch!", I shout, "I'll get killed!"

"Well, you're going to get killed soon anyway," he points out reasonably. "It's not like you're likely to win the games. This outfit will at least really make an impression. Might as well go out on a high. No one will ever forget you."

The tribute who burned to death before the Games. Yes, I can see how no one would forget that. I turn and run, pushing through groups of people, crashing into chariots. I don't even bother to look where I'm going. Honestly, I don't care as long as it's as far away from Cinna and that torch as possible. In my hurry, I trip over Finnick who is lounging against his chariot and scatter sugar cubes everywhere. I don't even stop to apologise but leap over him and carry on running.

Behind me I can smell burnt flesh and I can hear the dragging footsteps of the careers, all burnt and charred by the lightning. _It didn't kill them_, shoots through my head and panic claws at my throat. _If that didn't stop them, nothing will! _I glance over my shoulder. The figures are almost unrecognisable, covered in horrible weeping burns and charred, blackened skin that is splitting and peeling. And they are right behind me, advancing fast.

I race towards my chariot. Horses run faster than people, if I can just get in I stand a chance of escaping. I lengthen my stride and fling my weight forwards. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Wiress and Beetee gesturing frantically at me, trying to signal something but I am in too much of a panic to understand. The chariot is right there, I have almost reached it, just one more step. I spring into the air, hands outstretched to grab at the edge. Instead, I slam into something hard and feel myself being flung backwards as everything goes black.

I wake up in agony to the smell of burnt hair and clothing. For a second I can't think where I am or what is happening but then I roll over and see a large, swaying dining room with polished walls and a huge table laid out with beautiful china plates and crystal glasses twinkling in the light from a huge chandelier. I can even still see the thick carrot soup we had on our first train journey sloshing around gently in the bowls. The tribute train.

Frantically I sit up and look around. I seem to be alone. The careers have vanished but the train is creepily quiet. "Effie?", I call out, my voice thin and feeble, "Haymitch? Peeta?"

Behind me I hear a groan and whip round, snatching up an eating knife off the table. Peeta is lying on the floor, blood and puss running in rivers towards the back of the train from the long gash in his thigh. "Peeta!" I scramble towards him, slipping in the mess, and crouch down next to him. He isn't moving and his eyes are shut. I can't tell if he is breathing. "Peeta!", I scream, "Peeta, wake up!" I shake his shoulder urgently but he still doesn't react. Tears are streaming down my cheeks and I can feel my nose running but I don't care. "Peeta, please don't be dead, please!", I choke.

"Don't worry," a voice says behind me, "he isn't dead, he's just unconscious."

I whip round and there is Rue standing inches away from me, clutching a handful of leaves. She is smiling at me and I smile back despite my tears. "Here," she says and presses the leaves into my hands, "I've got to go soon, I don't have long. Put these on his leg and it'll be better in no time."

"What do you mean you have to go soon?", I ask stupidly.

Rue smiles sadly at me. "I'm not really here, Katniss. I only came to visit you. I have to go back soon."

"What do you mean?", I ask again.

A bright light suddenly fills the train carriage and I have to cover my eyes. Through my fingers I can see through the light, a green meadow and beyond it a field of swaying golden corn. A stream runs along the side of the meadow and a willow trails it's branches in the water. By the stream I can see Thresh. He is looking down into the water.

Rue gives me a hug. "Goodbye, Katniss," she whispers in my ear.

I turn to try and catch her but she is gone, running through the flowers towards Thresh. He catches her as she jumps into his arms and they smile at each other. Then they turn towards me and wave. The light begins to fade and the last thing I see is the pair of them standing together, hand in hand, waving to me.

Suddenly the train seems very dark and lonely. I feel sobs choking me and quickly busy myself with Peeta's leg. I don't want anyone to see me cry. I can't afford to let them think I'm weak.

"Come on, Katniss, we've got to move," Finnick says in my ear.

I glance up at him. "I'm hurrying," I snap, "Peeta's hurt, I've got to sort out his leg." The leaves are vanishing as fast as I try and bind them onto Peeta's wound and I am starting to feel frantic. I don't know what to do.

"We don't have time for this," Finnick snaps back, "the fog is coming. I'll carry him, you take Mags." He grabs Peeta under the arms and hauls him up onto his back. Peeta lets out a feeble moan.

"You're hurting him," I yell at Finnick but he ignores me so I have no choice but to pick up Mags and follow Finnick and Peeta as fast as I can manage. We run through the dining room and into a long corridor. It seems to be never-ending. The dark panelled walls stretch on and on with no sign of any doors and behind us we can hear a strange rushing sound.

I stop and turn and as I do the corridor begins to spin around me. "I'm coming for you, Girl on Fire!", a voice hisses, seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere. I start to scream as a tidal wave of flame comes rushing towards me, burning up everything in its path. This is it. There's nowhere to run.

"Katniss, Katniss, wake up!" I open my eyes and stare around me in a panic. My heart is hammering against my ribs and I am soaked in sweat and gasping for air. The bedclothes are tangled around my legs and I seem to have knocked everything off the small table beside my bed. "It's alright, it's just a dream, Katniss!" Peeta is sat on the edge of my bed trying to calm me down. I stare at him as my heart rate slowly returns to normal. "It's just a dream," he repeats soothingly. "It's alright, I'm here."


End file.
